I’ve always loved to dance. It’s quite curious in a way, the things we find ourselves threaded through with. I was very shy as a child, still am in many ways. Am confidently shy these days. I did not want to be visible, which curiously I’ve always seemed to find myself to be. So either you learn to hide in a hole or handle it. I do a combination of the two. lol Dancing was one of those barriers I broke through. I was sent to the Royal Ballet when I was about 5. It’s not as grand as it sounds. There were lots of real ballerinas running about and the atmosphere was just as you might imagine, but we were just the littleys. My memories of it are as much about the awful struggle it can be to get your tights on, especially when you’ve done it wrong in the first place, as the dancing, though it’s all very vivid. While I was far from the best, partly because of my left handedness which has me doing most things back to front, and my very long legs in which I can easily become entangled, it seems to have enabled me to feel an unselfconsiousness in dance it took me an awful lot longer to find in anything else.
It’s been a while since I danced, though I’ve done it a lot over the years, and taken classes in various styles. Part of that has been the moves and the temporary brokenness of my body, part because where I used to live there was nothing of merit. So now having tried two belly dancing classes, and finding one of them to be pretty close to what I want, I can remember and be connected with that wonderful feeling you get when moving in such a way. There’s a whole lot I may say later about my observations and feelings about it all, but for now I just want to note how good it feels to be residing in my body in that way again.
I used to dance when alone. Dancing has been one place where I can entirely lose myself whilst also expressing myself. It has been a catharsis, a point of stillness and a connection to myself and that which lies beyond. It is one of the places I am most myself.