Some of this is pretty obvious stuff but it still seems worth sharing my observations. Most of us have experienced ‘friends’ melting away when things are bad in one way or another, or when you need something and not the other way round, the ‘friend’ who is on the phone to you constantly, endlessly in need yet finds themselves unavailable when you ask them to put themselves out the tiniest bit.. When in extremis, when the chips are down as they say, you really get to see who cares and who doesn’t, and not only that but how they care.
In part I’m sure it’s to do with how well we relate to the other, how much genuine caring is actually there, and how well they either read us or are similar so know what’s needed. But there’s also the feel I’ve got in one or two instances that the offers aren’t really genuine, more a sense of wanting to look like a friend than actually being one if that makes any sense, either that or wanting to make it better for themselves so anything other than loveliness goes away. Even though I’ve shared little of the specifics I’ve had some really heartfelt offers from some and there’s absolutely no mistaking the authenticity. Others you kind of know you’d have to make really loud demands which would probably then be carried out but not in good grace even though help has been offered. And as any of you who know me or read me on a regular basis will be aware I only ever want authenticity. I mean if I told someone and they said something like ‘Oh dear, I’m sorry about that, but really I don’t give a shit, or if I do it’s only in a distant poor you kind of way and I really don’t want to be involved’ I’d respect them far more than the pat on the hand, and inauthentic offers.
The friend who is going with me to the hospital, who is in many ways quite unlike me, and dreadful at receiving herself (I relate, it can be a whole lot less challenging to give than to receive), when I said I was sorry for asking told me she’d have been offended if I hadn’t. I know realistically what I’m talking about here is more subtle than I’m making out, and the dynamics between people can be complex, sometimes confusing, often involving all sorts of elements, some unseen, but nonetheless it’s interesting to see how people do or don’t care, and who one wants to reach out to which is not always logical.
Forgive the nauseatingly cute image but it seems to express some of what I feel, honouring the differences, appreciating the similarities.
As a complete irrelevance, why does wordpress feel I need to be congratulated for doing a certain number of posts, or to want to aim for a certain number, as if it has a meaning? I don’t get it…