Start again again

I don’t know about you, but often I find the practicalities of life seem to mirror what I need to act on internally. Not sure if that made sense. I’ll try and say it more clearly. Life can present symbolic hints as to what one needs to address in a more personal way. I’ll give the examples which have led me to saying this, which might clarify.

My phone stopped receiving any emails from either account I use a few days ago. It’s a pretty new phone, so there was no apparent reason as to why. I tinkered and didn’t seem to be able to make it work. Then the adblocker I have on here stopped working and everywhere I visited was awash with ads. Not only is that visually irritating, but since I have such a slow connection everything becomes even more ponderous to the point where it pretty much ground to a halt. Again, more tinkering. Turning the adblocker on and off, that sort of thing. No joy.

The key with this kind of thing, in my experience at least, is to ascertain what it is one needs to realise. I don’t necessarily mean in order to fix it, I mean what one needs to learn. So I will generally look at anything presented to me from the perspective of possible acceptance as well as the other options. As I did here.

A few days of general malfunction of technology ensues. Not impossible to manage, but a bit of an irritant. Then I am somehow led to doing two things. Disconnecting my phones connection to the wifi, connecting it to another option, then reconnecting, and throwing away the adblocker and reinstalling it. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea. I hadn’t thought of either before, and I don’t know why either came to me. The mechanism matters less than the opportunity to learn what was in that. Because both worked, and now the ads have disappeared and the phone appears to be doing what it should again.

In some respects it makes me think of mindfulness. of being in the moment. Of accepting stasis when it manifests, difficulty, change when the penny drops, of listening to intuition and nudgings, even if they may not appear to make sense, of beginning again endlessly, at least until I am no more. There are other aspects of this i have yet to consider. There are clues in here for me which are more than this. It might seem a silly bit of trivia, a nothing, an irritant and no more. But to me it looks like the chance to realise, to learn and relearn, to re-member, remind. And so I shall.




12138017514_b9315ec371_kIt’s been a long time since I posted here. I’ve pondered the notion of taking it up again a number of times, the reasons for which will become apparent as this post develops. But someone posted a couple of replies yesterday so I decided now was the time.

I wasn’t exactly on the internet from the start. In fact I resisted for some time, believing the hype that told me the only thing which was guaranteed was the porn. This turned out to be untrue. But I have been around for a long time. I began in about 2000 so it’s been quite a number of years, and during that time I’ve observed its development, the changes, many of them far from beneficial. Allow me to offer a few of those observations historically to give context.

After some initial fumblings and the feeling I was trying to fly a spacecraft with no lessons I managed to work out the main value of it was to communicate and to be free to express oneself. It was wild country for sure. A sort of chaotic utopia, in that anything you put out there you effectively gave away. That rather suited my personality. Yet paradoxically there seemed all sorts of opportunities for communicating in relative privacy. For example, the number of forums I participated in, helped run or created, all had the options to have layers of transparency, so you could converse in depth without prying eyes, yet enable openness for the newcomer, discovering who they were before they could enter any inner sanctum. If anything privacy was greater than in real life.

These were meaningful times for me. I forged some deep friendships, ran courses for people all over the world, shared creatively with numerous people, found some of like mind (a rare thing for me), expanded and explored with some fascinating people.

Then big business realised the potential for money making here, and it all changed. From being a free for all, a messy, chaotic but fulfilling expansion, it became a free for none downward spiral into a consumerist nightmare. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very helpful to be able to buy most of what you need with the click of a button when you live in the middle of nowhere. But the loss of the freedoms of expression, natural community, being herded into ever more limiting spaces unless you’re desirous of becoming a ‘celebrity’ and making lots of money for whatever provider you happen to be with (and which just isolates in a different way) is not a good thing for anyone other than those who rake in the cash.

Perhaps one of the curious things about it is that there was perhaps an inevitability that humans who want a repeated tiny hit of pleasure will become totally addicted to the screens they carry round with them. Most of us will have seen a number of people in a room all looking at their phones and not speaking to one another. In fact they may even be looking at what each other are doing online. Whether by accident or design big business is cashing in on these desires, as what happens gets ever more trivial or manipulated, and because we find ourselves being told the virtual spaces we use belong to someone else (how did that happen?) we have no right or options any more. There is no longer much natural flow. Well, perhaps a little, but it happens in spite of those who now run the joint rather than being encouraged. It is a cacophony of voices, and I’m uncertain as to whether there is much to be gained any more. So much of it is drama, lowest common denominator stuff, with the more thoughtful, expressive and creative gradually disappearing from view. How is that good for anyone?

Perhaps its time to return to the physical world, which is so much less populated, and where visceral real life engagements may perhaps offer the depths the internet rarely does any more.




Shackled and Free

I thought I’d put this here, and may continue to do so, while YT is in meltdown, at least until I know what’s what. People aren’t getting videos in their subscriptions box, they’re not getting notified of replies to their comments, some people can’t do anything at all, the place is in chaos. Or at least it looks like it. To Google staff I’m sure it all makes perfect sense. So if anyone who watches me there sees this, if you can’t say anything there and want to, try here. It’s not ideal but it will do as an interim measure. I hope I can find a longer term solution, but I’m going to keep going there until the cost becomes too high. And when I do finally jump, I’ll make sure I leave directions here as to where I am.




For Granted

I’d take her for granted if I were you,
That’s the most intelligent thing to do.
Treat her mean and keep her keen
May be a saying of old,
But go on, be bold,
Just treat her as if she’s of no
Somewhere beneath
Admin and common sense
Will have her waiting with baited breath,
Until you deign to turn your gaze
To favour her with a moment of care;
And then to her knees she’ll fall
In gratitude at your clarion call
Or maybe not.


Going sane

I thought I’d put this here as well, for myself as much as anyone. This burbling marks a point I was reaching for, and might want to be reminded of. If it’s any use to anyone out there as well, all well and good, but that’s not the reason for doing it. In fact it marks a return to that which I had done then had ceased to do but had lost part of myself in the process. And here I am again, not really being ‘I’, but also more than ‘I’. What a relief.